well, I just got back from a parents meeting at our elementary school about an upcoming health class our lil’ 5th graders will be taking. the kids will be learning about puberty and the changes they all will so be experiencing. the 5th grade teachers went over the lesson plan with all of us so that we’d be prepared when our sweet & innocent 10 year olds come to us to ask about menstrual cycles, erections and pubic hair. …umm, oh Lord, can’t our lil’ kids just STAY sweet and innocent?? forever??

one of the introductory videos that will be viewed by all 5th graders is even up on google video: Always Changing: Co-Ed
The video sorta reminds me of one of those ABC afterschool specials we all watched when we were kids.

oh, but how I just dread “the talk”. my conversation with my son would probably be akin to the father and son scene from American Pie.

remember the scene from the movie?

Dad enters son’s room…

Dad: Son, I wanted to talk to you about what I think you were trying to do the other day. ..Now, you may have tried it in the shower, or maybe in bed at night, and not even known what you were doing. Or perhaps you’ve heard your friends talking about it in the locker room.
Son: Dad, please stop. Please. I’m sure I know what you’re talking about.
Dad: Sure you know, son, but I think you’ve been having a little problem with it. It’s okay, though. What you’re doing is perfectly normal. It’s like practice. Like when you play tennis against a wall. Some day, there’ll be a partner returning the ball. ..You do want a partner, don’t you son?
Son: (through clenched teeth) Yes.
Dad: That’s great. Now remember, it’s okay to play with yourself. Or, as I always called it –”Stroke the salami!” (chuckles) There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I’m fifty-two, and I still enjoy masturbating. Uncle Mort masturbates. We all masturbate.

Nauseated and entirely disoriented, the son tries to stumble back into his room. He SMACKS the doorframe. Keeps going, slamming the door behind him…

Dad: Poor guy thought he was the only one.

Oh God. It would just make things simpler if our kids stayed five years old forever!! really!