caution: phonebook for dummies

funnies, ramblings 2 Comments »

phonebook
You know, I never really noticed this warning statement on the cover of the “Real Yellow Pages” phonebook until it was pointed out in this month’s issue of Consumer Reports.

it reads- Caution: Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle.
phonebook warning
Is this statement really necessary? I mean come on. Does AT&T really assume that their phonebook users have absolutely NO common sense? But why stop there, AT&T? why stop at moving vehicles? how about heavy machinery? can I use the phonebook while operating heavy machinery? am I allowed to use the phonebook while cooking over a hot stove? I’m confused, AT&T? Can I operate the remote to the TV while browsing through the yellow pages? Would AT&T allow that at least? How about sex? I’m pretty sure they don’t believe it would be prudent for me to use the directory while having sex, right? and if that’s the case, why isn’t THAT statement also included on the cover of the “Real Yellow Pages”???
yeah, I think AT&T needs to make it even more clear for us people with no common sense and add this following statement to their phonebook:
Caution: We also don’t recommend browsing through our yellow pages while having sex. It may be hazardous to your relationship.

give me a break!!. Thanks AT&T for making a phonebook for dummies.

latest search engine terms

funnies, ramblings 1 Comment »

ha, ha, ha. I think the search engine gods are having a bit of fun today. why in the world would my site turn up on a search for “oh so good porn“??? i noticed the term come up on today’s visitor stats.
dlee search engine
…i just double checked the term on google and yes, currently, my website turns up on the first page. yikes.

makes you wonder what the hell i’m writing about here on this blog?? hhhmmmmm….

the future ain’t what it used to be..

funnies 1 Comment »

gas
gas
gas

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mundaneDan in south park, mmmm-kay?

funnies, links and stuff 3 Comments »

thanks to Michele, i’ve been Mr. non-productive today. have fun.
mundaneDan in South Park

i blame Germany for this…

funnies, links and stuff 7 Comments »

anyone looking forward to april?
..think again!
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advil. please. somebody.

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ugh. anybody got some advil? my head is a-poundin’. how’s everyone? i’ve been swamped at work. plus our youngest is turning one next week so we have a big gathering of family and friends this coming sunday so there’s lots to do. just a couple of things to pass on:
ol’ faithful stereogum’s posted a great mashup link recently: Janet Jackson - re-design of a decade. the tracks have been on rotation on my media player all day today.

SuperBabies has no redeeming qualities” according to the Malaysian DVD Cover. via boingboing

oh, did anyone catch this week’s 24? if ya did, please fill me in on what happened. I missed it b/c i was too busy hissing at Omarosa on Reality Fear Factor this past monday.

i just caught the trailer for the The Ring Two. i’m hoping it doesn’t dissappoint. the first one’s a classic. and no i haven’t seen the japanese originals yet. (that’ll be in my queue when i rejoin netflix…) i’m sorta partial to Naomi Watts. ;)

and finally, here’s something that arrived in my inbox this morning. it’s sorta amusing. (sorry grandma!)

The Elderly

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried. The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.” A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” He says. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.”

FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

“I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!”
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?” “No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.” And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a beer.”

LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex.” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.” He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!” An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?” Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me … I know we’ve been friends for a long time …but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!” “Heck,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh my……… am I driving?”

White Chicks wuz robbed!

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my favorite bit at the oscars.

(via stereogum)

…only for a moment…

funnies, it's all about me!! 6 Comments »

today, before heading out to lunch, i stopped by the ATM downstairs to get some cash. the ATM was busted so i had to visit my girl Keisha down at the in-house branch around the corner. Keisha was in high spirits today, i assume b/c it’s friday! by the time i got to her she was in the middle of a conversation with another customer working with the other teller next to her talking about how the hat she had on today made her look a lot like Alicia Keys. right. Keisha looking like Alicia Keys. ha. that’s a good one. girl, where your glasses at? anyway, i got my cash and receipt and headed out before i said something inappropriate. once out the door, i glanced at the receipt and the total balance in my checking account was $20,000 more than it was yesterday. huh? how could this be? i asked myself. ….hhmmmm.

it could only be one thing!
it must be a blessing from up above. yes. The Good Lord must be blessing me for all those years serving Him in the worship band. Thank You. thank You. Thank You.
..yes, He must have somehow gotten my checking account number and routing number and electronically direct deposited $20,000 into my account.

well, He’s ALL KNOWING, isn’t He?
yes, He wouldn’t have any problem gaining access to my account.
He’s ALMIGHTY. ALL POWERFUL. $20,000 ain’t nothin’ to Him. He just wanted to bestow some blessing upon lil’ ol’ me. that’s all.
yes. glory! glory in the Highest!
oh, happy day. happy, happy day.

and wouldn’t ya know it, while i’m standing there in front of the bank rejoicing over my blessing, Keisha comes running out to ruin it all.
she apparently made a mistake during my transaction. she pulled my withdrawal from someone else’s account. someone a lot richer than me. $20,000 in the checking account richer. gosh. i wonder what she’s got in her savings account then?
oh well. i was rich today. only for a moment. but i still rejoice. it’s friday.


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